w h y m e ?

Finally, i have been left out. this few days im so out of the mood. yesterday in creative design class, lecturer wants us to find a group of 4person. i thought of being with last sem groupmates, yingwei nick n yvonne. but, everything has changed. they dont want me anymore. i asked them once, 'am i in your group'? they dont even want to bother me. fine, from that moment, i already know i have been left out.

i dare not put the blame on anyone of them. i will only blame myself because of my attitude in last sem, i was like so lazy last sem. but i already apologize n made my promise to them, i said i will work damn harder, i dont disappoint them anymore. but it seems they still cant forgive me. im so sad. =( dear god, im sick, pls help me. seriously, i really treat them as my very good friends, i spent most of my time on them, i gave up my love with someone last sem because of them. i feel bad if i always stick with my girl but not them. i seriously treat them as my goodest friends in my uni, from my heart, im honest to them. just because 1 simple mistake i did, they now dont treat me as nice as last time anymore. i feel like im a piece of deep shit in their mind.

lazy = shit. im lazy, so im a piece of shit.right?

everyone is changing, even me also changing. the reason i change is to make myself to become more better, i dont want to disappoint them. but they changed because they wanna leave me, coz im a piece of deep shit.

i hope, one day they can really understand me.

this semester, i'd changed alot, i turn up for every major classes. although im tired i lack of sleep, but i will get my ass up to go to every lesson. i spent most of my time with them. i wanna proof them i willing to change, what i hope is forgiving me. i dont mind they screw me or what, i just want to apologize, i wanna change, to fulfill their hope. i admit that im really a piece of shit last sem, but im changing now. please give me a chance can u ? can u ppl forgive bout me? =(

im really out of mood these days.

dear god, plese guide me, how to solve this problem. i feel like giving up on my finals, i dont want to walk alone, i need them. i dont mind suffering, but i just want my friends to understand me. they misunderstood me, i wanna explain, but it seems i dont have even a chance to tell them. they dont believe, they dont trust me anymore.

sigh.. what should i do? =(